There's a movie 'Collateral Beauty' that explores the idea of how we are affected by love, time and death.
These three entities create huge emotional states.
Waves of highs and lows.
Waves affect the surroundings; just as the ocean deducts or adds to the edges of land.
It used to be that November would be either sad or happy; depending on which facet or idea of a memory I decided to bring to surface.
Time makes the grief of loss easier to bear; the pain still there, but it's softer; beneath the layers. Like a familiar friend; you know they're there, even when you're not able to see them.
I used to get sad. To regret the people I'd lost, the manner I'd lost them; all the things never said, the calls unanswered, meet-ups un-met, messages unspoken.
Lows pulling lower.
But, there comes a time, when you realise that actually it's okay to express the emotions. It's okay to accept feeling sad or down.
Acceptance and release.
With no concern for those around you.
Because those that matter will stay.
And those that don't, will go.
Sadness is no different from happiness beneath the surface.
It's all just energy.
This is a deeply yogic concept.
That everything that happens is just energy.
You. Me. All that seems real and solid. All that seems felt and liquid-like.
When an animal feels pain, loss or fear, they may stop and tremble it out. When the emotion is released, they continue on.
The amount of time taken to release the sensation is equal to the wave of energy sensed. i.e. a huge trauma will likely take an animal longer to recover from. Small scares can be released quicker.
What the philosophy of yoga teaches is that energy can be converted.
Loss can be transformed to gain.
Loss can light the senses. Veils of illusion drop. Emotions intense. Nowhere to hide, run or escape. No facades.
We gain the understanding that life is short.
And that shallow situations have no right to steal your moments.
Honestly, after two losses and then another a few years later, I swore I'd never waste my life again.
I'd never waste my energy on moments that don't mean depth.
It's all energy.
So, in a moment of descent, I'll let it be. I'll stay there; marinate a while.
But, there comes a time when I have to tell myself that this is all an illusion.
Holding on is only going to make my journey more difficult.
Heaviness will only stifle the light.
So; choose light.
Let it go.
It's all energy.
It's all connection.
It's all part of this rhythm we call life.
Wonder at it, all you will.
Grief can be a gift.
But time is needed to help it shift.
Go easy on self. Play light.
Letting the sadness become gratitude; seeing loss as an opportunity for life is the secret.